Turds
Turd Karts · kart racer

Eight turds. Twenty-six tracks. One very full bathroom.

Savage Granny races a motorised bathtub. The Drill Sergeant drives a toilet-roll tank. Drift round the U-bend, fire a Turbo Fart and hope nobody behind you has the Number Two Nuke.

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Turd Karts
The tracks

Four cups, plus the world circuits.

Sixteen cup tracks across four leagues, and ten more named after the great Grand Prix circuits. Every one has its own shortcuts, jumps and hazards.

Porcelain Cup · 4 tracks

Bathroom BoulevardA toilet-paper road through a giant bathroom.
Nappy ValleyOver the bouncy play mat of a giant nursery.
Litter Box CanyonThrough the sand of a giant cat's litter tray. The cat is watching.
Truck Stop LoopA lap of a grimy roadside services toilet, late at night.

Plunger Cup · 4 tracks

U-Bend SpeedwayFull throttle through giant plumbing, round the U-bend and down the big drop.
Sewer RapidsDown in the sewer: bridges over the river, a flooded weir and a sluice to ride.
Poop DeckRound the deck of a giant pirate ship, up the poop deck and off the gangplank.
Frozen OuthouseA winter dash to the outhouse: snowbanks, a frozen pond to slide across and a snow-ramp jump.

Golden Cup · 4 tracks

Throne Room RallyA red-carpet race round the royal palace bathroom.
TP FactoryRide the conveyor belts through a toilet-roll works.
Dino SwampTar pits, giant ferns and a very friendly dinosaur.
Festival FieldsMud, portaloos and a big jump. Evening at the festival.

Royal Flush Cup · 4 tracks

Haunted OuthouseA twisty graveyard lane at midnight, with a wobbly bridge and some very friendly ghosts.
Septic Tank TubesThrough the glass tubes and past the murky tanks. Mind the current.
Sewage PlantA giant treatment works: tanks, pistons, walkways and one very big jump.
Rainbow RollA loo-roll ribbon through the night sky. The grand finale.

World Circuits

Ten tracks named after the famous Grand Prix circuits, flushed. Single races and time trials.

Monte Carl-LooTight harbour streets, a porcelain Cas-ino and a tunnel through a giant drainpipe. Walls everywhere.
Spa-Franco-DumpsA long, fast lap over the Ardennes hills. Down to Eau Brune, up the wall, flat out through the woods.
SquatzukaA figure of eight under the cherry blossom: over the Flush Bridge, round the Pooper Scoop, past a very clever toilet.
Yas LatrinaSunset on the marina: long straights, a tight hairpin, and a hotel shaped like a giant toilet seat over the track.
SilverstoolA British summer race weekend on an old airfield. Fast, flat and flowing. Mind the puddles.
Monza CaccaThe Temple of Speed, in a green Italian park. Long straights, tight chicanes and the endless Parabowlica.
Singa-poopA night street race round a sparkling bay. Mind the walls, wave at the Mer-loo.
IndianapoopolisFour left turns, flat out, round the Yard of Bricks. Stay in the pack and grab the boosts.
Las VegassA night race down the Strip, past toilet-shaped casinos and the glowing Big Bog Ball.
TurdburgringThe Green Smell: a long, hilly, twisty ribbon through the forest. Mind the Karussell.
The drivers

Eight turds, eight terrible vehicles.

Each one has its own weight, grip and voice, straight from Turds.

Posh ButlerCloche-lid bonnet, rattling teacups, sugar-lump sparks.
Savage GrannyRubber-duck bonnet, shower-head spoiler, handbag of fury.
Squeaky GremlinFour plungers for wheels. Thwuck thwuck thwuck.
Hype AnnouncerA portaloo on a rocket. Commentates his own crashes.
Salty PiratePotty hull, loo-roll sail, cannon exhaust.
Robo-Looantenna with a bobbing ball on top
Drill SergeantLoo-roll caterpillar treads and a toilet-brush turret.
ToddlerTraining wheels, a rattle for a horn, tiny and hard to hit.
The items

Fifteen ways to ruin someone's race.

Most come straight from the Turds armoury. The boost is a fart, obviously.

  • Corn RocketAttack
  • Triple CornAttack
  • Homing SnifferAttack
  • PlungerAttack
  • Prune JuiceTrap
  • Fart BombTrap
  • Loo RollTrap
  • Turbo FartBoost
  • Triple Turbo FartBoost
  • Vindaloo VolcanoAttack
  • JetpackBoost
  • Salmonella SurpriseBoost
  • Golden TurdRare
  • The Big FlushRare
  • Number Two NukeRare

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